On Our Way: Feeling Optimistic

For once, I felt as though I should take a moment to sit and write when frustration isn't the root of my words. Finally, I feel as though all of my hard work has paid off. Who knows what the future will bring... who knows what hands life will deal us or what crazy twists and turns fate has for us. I don't know (nor would I want to know)... but I do now that now, in this moment of time, we are well. We are happy, we are healthy, and we are continuing to strive for the non-toxic lifestyle that at times seems impossible to achieve.

Our newest edition, Baby A, was diagnosed with food allergies (or, the inability to digest certain proteins) during our last trip to the doctor . Since she is receiving 100% of her nutrition from breast milk, I cut all forms of dairy (I had rekindled my love of everything cheese since I weaned the toddler 8 months ago), soy, egg, and nuts from my diet. Within THREE days (I am NOT exaggerating- THREE!) her skin was almost 100% healed. The blood and puss dried, the cracks soothed, the swelling and blotchiness faded and then in the week to follow her sweet smooth baby skin reappeared in all of it's beauty and fullness. She immediately began sleeping better, crying WAY less, and was obviously (and understandably) much happier. Of course, being that these foods are all things I wouldn't mind eliminating from my diet anyhow (and had prior when I was nursing BB), I thought it would be easy... but it's NOT. We are currently living in a hotel (more on that later) and therefore eating out a lot more than I would like. I have accidentally "poisoned" myself twice since Baby A's recovery- and both times she instantly (within a few feedings!) broke out all over her face and began to puss from the pores. I almost can't describe it, it's so odd, but that's what it's like- a clear smelly liquid that comes from the pores of her face and head and continues to ooze no matter what you do to tend to it. Ugh! :(
Luckily, with a correction of my diet both times it went away within a day. Total insanity.

Baby Bear, who is now 3 and really should be renamed Crazy Toddler (but I'll keep it BB because I am confusing myself with all of these names!), is also happy, healthy, and besides being a Crazy Toddler, well. In spite of licking every floor, wall, toy, and elevator (yes, seriously) he comes in contact with, he remains healthy. He even started coming down with something a few times and every time kicked it almost as soon as it started. He hasn't had an ear infection in ages, he sleeps well at night (WOO-HOO!) and he's overall just such an awesome kid. I am so lucky to be his mom. Looking back on his journey, I just can't believe what a difficult and truly shitty time we had figuring all of that nonsense out. Since having Baby A, I've been looking back on old baby pictures and it's really just so obvious how it all played out... but of course at the time I had no clue, apparently neither did any of the zillions of doctors we visited, and in those moments of hopelessness and frustration it was probably impossible to understand anyhow. But now, now that I am more focused...aware...educated... I see. I had this perfectly healthy little baby, who slept well and was as happy as could be, whose symptoms of food allergies went unrecognized. Bloody eczema and abnormal stools led us to the doctors, who led us to the world of Big Pharma. Steroids and drugs led to even more problems, his immunity was weakened and he caught EVERY cold, flu, and bug there was. Through this time he continued to be vaccinated on a normal schedule- even though most of the time he was ill (until the 15 month shots, which we delayed because he was really sick. This was when they kept telling me we will "catch up next time" and I finally left a world of ignorance and educated myself. I'd say sorry if this offends you but I'm not really). Enter anaphylactic food allergies, more trips to the doctors, and the joy of getting to carry an EpiPen (and fear) around with us for eternity. It took eliminating all drugs and toxins, detoxifying, and finally supplementing to nurse his poor little body back to health. But I feel like I can finally say we are there! We have looked illnesses in the face and stomped our foot in their mouths. Does it mean his body has the power to fight off the big stuff? I hope I'll never have to know. But it does mean we are far, far away from where we used to be and for that I am extremely grateful.

And now, in this hotel, we wait for our dream house to be built. The house that started this blog, as I wanted to document our progress into the house... but somehow I have yet to write anything about it! The house that will not just be a place we spend our time in, but will be instead a sanctuary for me and my family. A breathe of fresh air in a toxic world. A house filled with as many natural products as we can manage, built from the ground up with safe materials. A burden is lifted off my shoulders thinking about how incredibly fortunate I am to provide such a place for my children. All of our struggles and our tears, combined with all of our love and hard work, has come together to bring us this beautiful little family and this amazingly perfect home. I wouldn't change a thing <3.

But It Really Isn't Fair...

Seriously, what the FUCK.

I logged on with more comprehensive thoughts in my mind...but as I sit here in tears and rage that is the only thing that now comes to my mind. What. The. Fuck.

Are allergies SO common these days that when you bring your poor fatigued one month old to the doctor, lying on the table with eyes so swollen one barely opens, eczema so awful it bleeds and her tiny organic cotton onesie so stained with puss from her skin that it's yellow around all of it's edges he says-- "She looks much better, I'll see her again in ten days." THIS is better?! Okay, I get it, I'm Mom and he's Doc; my role is to go into full panic mode while his is to stay calm and in control. But to just pass it off-- here's some cream, take this drug, looking good. It's all too repetitive of what we went through with our now three-year-old and I tell you I'll be damned if I'm going down that road again!!!!

And as is human nature in all my fury I have been desperately attempting to blame something or someone, but I see now it doesn't work like that. When we experienced this before, I was convinced it was the vaccinations. I was 100% certain this child (vax-free) would not have the same problems that our first had. But (even though I still think the vaccination program is a scam) we were caught off guard and thrown for a loop as life has a way of doing to you, and I again found myself asking WHY? I thought, I bet this was not a problem in earlier ages...I'm sure the hunter-gatherer moms were not like, 'oh my god...my baby has hives, what did I eat?!'. Which made me realize, that not just food, but a LOT of things have changed since then. Straying from that primitive diet, infiltrating our food supply with GMOs, chemicals, vaccines full of toxins and food proteins, toxic lifestyles, and so on. I realize now that I can continue wasting my time trying to pass blame or I can spend that time (so little of it I have now, ha!) doing what I've become so good at-- educating myself on the things that affect my family and finding ways to navigate through all the shit and keep them healthy to the best of my ability.

I suppose I'll keep doing the latter, and while I'm at it I'll also try to keep from yelling "It's not FAIR!" every time I think about it. My three year old now has a new favorite expression and it's driving me insane.