This is a topic that is so near and dear to my heart right now. Obviously, I am a mother of young children-- but it hits me even deeper than that. I look at our society and so many of the problems in our young and old alike, and I truly to my core feel like this is the answer we so desperately need. It's easy to look at the outward problems our western modern society faces (poor diets, so many on prescription medicines, the mass diagnosis of mental issues such as anxiety and depression, to name a few) but what is at the root of all of these things? Such a vague question which probably does not have one easy answer; however, I truly feel that if our parenting techniques change we will start to see so many changes in our society as a whole. This has become my passion.
It has been such a bumpy road uncovering these techniques and philosophies (and ultimately, validating what I felt was right in my heart). I have been met with resistance from both strangers and family, accusations, insults, rude remarks and even pleasant ones from people who feel that they need to "help" me with my "willful" child. Words like "control", "manipulate", and "obey" became part of conversations I would hear. Expressions such as: "if you don't enforce discipline now then they will walk all over you later in life", and: "if you don't teach them to behave now they'll never learn" were thrown out like they were part of some manual for raising children I never managed to get a copy of. Not only did none of it make sense to me (I don't know many 6 year olds who try to climb under the table at a restaurant , for example, or many adults who take advantage of their parents because they remember fondly the wonderful relationship they had with them). For a while, I was very emotional about all of this. I have now come to a place of understanding. This way of child-rearing is very new for many people. Unfortunately (or fortunately, for parents now), the culture at the time plays a large role in how parents raise their children, and if you search back a few generations...well...it wasn't pleasant. We went from extreme corporal punishment, to limited corporal punishment, to behavior control and modification and now luckily for many- a complete reversal in thinking. Our times went from influences such as B.F. Skinner and John Watson, to attachment parenting advocated such as John Bowlby and William Sears.
There have been many times on this journey of parenting that I have felt alone, but I realize I am far from alone. Although I may be standing solo at certain places/times/situations, there is really a whole movement of parents working towards change. There are abundant resources at our fingertips that our parents didn't have: AP support groups, gentle parenting meetup groups, internet resources and other free help just about everywhere. I meet more people out who are peaceful and respectful to their children than I do those who are not. I need to keep this in mind when I become saddened by witnessing another child being spanked, or screamed at, or put in time out, or even just told that if they don't do XYZ "right now" they will lose their favorite toy, or show, or snack. It's sad. It's heartbreaking. But we can change the future. And we will!
Today, something happened that really opened my eyes to my goals and efforts and just how crucial they are. It was one of those unexpected, out-of-the-blue, sent from heaven (or wherever) moments that are just meant to happen. My mother, who has been an alcoholic for years, and who I haven't had much of a relationship with since having my son three years ago, called me from her rehab center in Arizona (she finally accepted help). She spoke to me (openly, honestly!) about her classes and how she is learning how to communicate and express her feelings. She shared with me that it is one of the most difficult things she has ever (EVER... coming from a woman who has had a very difficult life) done. "I wasn't raised anything like this," she said. "I wish I would have taught you kids all of this."
It was an odd yet perfect time to have this conversation. Currently, in my own life, my biggest struggle at the moment is communicating more effectively with my husband. We are trying, and failing a lot. It has come between us more than it ever should have and it seems like such a simple thing to change-- but it's NOT. It's freakin' hard. We are reading books, learning more about Non-Violent Communication, trying to figure out what each other needs. But in the heat of a discussion, to not revert back to old habits, is just plain exasperating. It is for sure, the most difficult thing I have ever done, too.
So you see, here you have two grown adults... at COMPLETELY different points in their life... struggling with something so basic. Experiencing pain, loss, frustration, anger, over something so simple yet so foreign to them both. Does it matter how educated they are, how "socialized" they were as children, how positive or negative their childhood experiences were, how much money they had or how many things they have now? No! Nothing matters...except that there was NO communication taught in either family as children, there was no "connection" with parents that allowed the child to freely express themselves and work through feelings, among other things. This is where the path of past parenting styles have led two generations, and at the end of the road there is nothing but a huge split that requires a lot of damn work to get over.
It is my hopes that, no matter what happens in my children's lives, they always know they have a safe place to turn to. A loving shoulder to cry on. An open environment to express their feelings no matter WHAT those feelings may be. They may wind up in bad situations, they may wind up feeling hurt or angry or many of the other millions of bad things parents pray never happen to their kids, but one thing that they can always be assured of is that our relationship is unconditional, our love for them is unconditional, and that regardless of their actions or behavior or anything else they will always be part of our family.
This is not a subject I am ever willing to compromise on because it does mean "The World." Our future world, starting with my children and yours. There are no excuses-- no more saying "I didn't know" or "I grew up this way and I am just fine." Clearly, things are not *fine* (good for you if you were spanked and turned out okay...time to shoot for more than just okay, maybe?). Clearly, things need to change. It is overwhelming when I stop and think about the whole nation and culture of hurting people and children, so most of the time, I don't. But I can-and do- spend a lot of time (almost every second) thinking about the small little hands that hold mine so closely every day, the big blue eyes that look up to me with love and admiration. And I can see change in those eyes. And lots of love.
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." --Jimi Hendrix <3
Friday, March 14, 2014
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Vaccine Education
I am so sick and tired of hearing all of this crazy nonsense regarding vaccines. All of it-- it's complete madness and it's driving me absolutely insane. "Pro Vax" and "Anti Vax" movements, people belittling and degrading others due to their decisions (on both sides), the lies spread by the media and the lack of education altogether. Argh!!!
I think the last one is what really bothers me. First, if you have ANY opinion about vaccines at all besides "we just get them", then you are automatically placed in a category. Then, anything you have to say regarding vaccines that perhaps others disagree with is instantly regarded as an uneducated remark (especially if it against vaccinations). Both sides point fingers and claim the other side is: UNEDUCATED. Wake up people, we all are fucking uneducated. When is the last time you learned about something in a completely unbiased fashion (not in school, that's for sure)? What was the last "hot topic" that was presented to the public without first being shaped by the greed and financial interest of larger people/corporations in charge? And at what point did everyone stop thinking for themselves and hand their brains over to someone else...because it seems to be what every damn person has done in regards to this highly sensitive topic.
I would like to RECLASSIFY the term educated when it comes to vaccinations. Educated does NOT mean you do everything the white man in the white coat tells you to do because the media tells you if you don't you are a waste of society. If you choose to weigh out the risks and make such decisions on your own, then great. But don't do it just because someone tells you to or preys off your fear. Educated means doing your OWN research, formulating your OWN conclusion, and EXERCISING your personal freedom to then implement whatever decision you have chosen. Personally, in regards to vaccines, I would say you are EDUCATED if and only after you have read every manufacturers' insert that comes with every vaccine you plan to get for yourself or your child(ren). How can you say you have made an educated decision when you have not read the ingredients, risks, side effects, precautions, safety & efficiency, etc? Do you not do this before you take any prescription medicine (I hope so)? Do you not read the label on every pre-packaged food item you purchase? Do you not research nutrition and shop for healthy balanced meals for your family? Do you try to purchase non-toxic items for your family; do you keep your hazardous chemicals away from your children's reach; do you keep a watchful eye on your children and prevent them from situations that would put them in danger? How lazy & uneducated is it then, to NOT read the simple warning label that comes with the drug you are about to have injected into your or your child's body??
Personally I don't care what decision you come to. I don't care what side of the "fence" you are on and I strongly detest the fact that there is such a great and hateful division among people over this topic anyhow. I wish we could all start a new revolution, especially parents, a revolution of education. Not "Mothers Against Vaccines" or "Mothers For Vaccinations"; "MOTHERS FOR VACCINE EDUCATION". Be educated; take a few simple hours out of your day to read more than just the 5-line paper your doctor hands you; make your decision then.
If you are curious to read the manufacturer's inserts here are the most current copies: http://www.immunize.org/packageinserts/
I think the last one is what really bothers me. First, if you have ANY opinion about vaccines at all besides "we just get them", then you are automatically placed in a category. Then, anything you have to say regarding vaccines that perhaps others disagree with is instantly regarded as an uneducated remark (especially if it against vaccinations). Both sides point fingers and claim the other side is: UNEDUCATED. Wake up people, we all are fucking uneducated. When is the last time you learned about something in a completely unbiased fashion (not in school, that's for sure)? What was the last "hot topic" that was presented to the public without first being shaped by the greed and financial interest of larger people/corporations in charge? And at what point did everyone stop thinking for themselves and hand their brains over to someone else...because it seems to be what every damn person has done in regards to this highly sensitive topic.
I would like to RECLASSIFY the term educated when it comes to vaccinations. Educated does NOT mean you do everything the white man in the white coat tells you to do because the media tells you if you don't you are a waste of society. If you choose to weigh out the risks and make such decisions on your own, then great. But don't do it just because someone tells you to or preys off your fear. Educated means doing your OWN research, formulating your OWN conclusion, and EXERCISING your personal freedom to then implement whatever decision you have chosen. Personally, in regards to vaccines, I would say you are EDUCATED if and only after you have read every manufacturers' insert that comes with every vaccine you plan to get for yourself or your child(ren). How can you say you have made an educated decision when you have not read the ingredients, risks, side effects, precautions, safety & efficiency, etc? Do you not do this before you take any prescription medicine (I hope so)? Do you not read the label on every pre-packaged food item you purchase? Do you not research nutrition and shop for healthy balanced meals for your family? Do you try to purchase non-toxic items for your family; do you keep your hazardous chemicals away from your children's reach; do you keep a watchful eye on your children and prevent them from situations that would put them in danger? How lazy & uneducated is it then, to NOT read the simple warning label that comes with the drug you are about to have injected into your or your child's body??
Personally I don't care what decision you come to. I don't care what side of the "fence" you are on and I strongly detest the fact that there is such a great and hateful division among people over this topic anyhow. I wish we could all start a new revolution, especially parents, a revolution of education. Not "Mothers Against Vaccines" or "Mothers For Vaccinations"; "MOTHERS FOR VACCINE EDUCATION". Be educated; take a few simple hours out of your day to read more than just the 5-line paper your doctor hands you; make your decision then.
If you are curious to read the manufacturer's inserts here are the most current copies: http://www.immunize.org/packageinserts/
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
A Lonely Journey
Sometimes I think that the people who come across me judge me very harshly based on the decisions I make. Because I strive to raise my children as toxic-free as possible, because I prefer to eat organic foods, because I am very picky in regards to what my son is exposed to in terms of play and interaction. Because on a deeper level, I question those in power. Our medical community, our politicians, our schools, our governmental system, our food, our freedoms, religion. I don't exactly follow the norm and it's not because I want to make waves, but this is what people often tend to think. You don't vaccinate your children because you are uneducated. You question the ideals of our country because you want to be different. You don't put your kids in school because you are a hippie. Everything has a label, and every label is negative. And with every negative label I am pushed farther and farther from the friends and support groups I once knew and was accepted in.
These are just a few of the things I think and/or do that cause the people around me to deem me as unlikable for some reason. It's as if they think that I am looking down on everyone who makes different decisions than I do. I have tried many times to have real conversations with people about what I feel and why I do the things I do, but it never helps. Every time they try to open up to me in return, I can just sense the discomfort and apologetic tone when they talk to me.
When a long-ago friend actually tried to talk to me about "the way I am" (as if it's a disease and I should just "change back to normal"), I finally got so frustrated by her accusations that I told the honest truth (which doesn't help make or keep friends, BTW). I told her very straightforwardly: "I do not CARE what you do with your children. It doesn't matter to me and I don't think about it ever. The only thing that matters to me and the reason behind every single decision I make is my son, his health, his welfare." Was there a nicer way I could have told her that I'm not judging her, ever? Yeah probably. That way certainly didn't go over well. But truth be told it sucks to be made out into some judgmental uptight monster when all I am trying to do is the best for my family. Are there times when I'm overly opinionated and expressive? Of course. Are there moments when I could choose my words more carefully, be more polite? Yeah, definitely. I am strong-willed and quite the extrovert--neither of which help my case much. I am working on that. I am still very far from judgmental, uneducated, or ignorant-- and those terms are what hurt me the most.
Something I have learned over the past few years is that ignorance is sure as hell bliss. Like the man who breaks free in Plato's Allegory of the Cave, I have been misunderstood and labeled mad-- and can seemingly never return to the cave. However, the truth cannot be unlearned. And once you have a small taste of it, you just need more. The place I am in is not necessarily a fun one-but it's part of my journey and I would rather accept it than pretend as though it didn't exist. I would rather be drowning in the middle of a sea of information, uncertainty, and global/universal concepts that were once unbeknownst to me completely, than to be swimming at the bottom of the sea happy yet misinformed, serving someone's agenda without even knowing it. I spent most of my life indoctrinated by persons and institutions and was even well-trained to believe I was thinking for myself. I see now that I never was, and most of everything I had ever believed before was at the profit of someone else. I may not be as confident in what I know now, but I am confident that I will always seek the truth for myself.
These are just a few of the things I think and/or do that cause the people around me to deem me as unlikable for some reason. It's as if they think that I am looking down on everyone who makes different decisions than I do. I have tried many times to have real conversations with people about what I feel and why I do the things I do, but it never helps. Every time they try to open up to me in return, I can just sense the discomfort and apologetic tone when they talk to me.
When a long-ago friend actually tried to talk to me about "the way I am" (as if it's a disease and I should just "change back to normal"), I finally got so frustrated by her accusations that I told the honest truth (which doesn't help make or keep friends, BTW). I told her very straightforwardly: "I do not CARE what you do with your children. It doesn't matter to me and I don't think about it ever. The only thing that matters to me and the reason behind every single decision I make is my son, his health, his welfare." Was there a nicer way I could have told her that I'm not judging her, ever? Yeah probably. That way certainly didn't go over well. But truth be told it sucks to be made out into some judgmental uptight monster when all I am trying to do is the best for my family. Are there times when I'm overly opinionated and expressive? Of course. Are there moments when I could choose my words more carefully, be more polite? Yeah, definitely. I am strong-willed and quite the extrovert--neither of which help my case much. I am working on that. I am still very far from judgmental, uneducated, or ignorant-- and those terms are what hurt me the most.
Something I have learned over the past few years is that ignorance is sure as hell bliss. Like the man who breaks free in Plato's Allegory of the Cave, I have been misunderstood and labeled mad-- and can seemingly never return to the cave. However, the truth cannot be unlearned. And once you have a small taste of it, you just need more. The place I am in is not necessarily a fun one-but it's part of my journey and I would rather accept it than pretend as though it didn't exist. I would rather be drowning in the middle of a sea of information, uncertainty, and global/universal concepts that were once unbeknownst to me completely, than to be swimming at the bottom of the sea happy yet misinformed, serving someone's agenda without even knowing it. I spent most of my life indoctrinated by persons and institutions and was even well-trained to believe I was thinking for myself. I see now that I never was, and most of everything I had ever believed before was at the profit of someone else. I may not be as confident in what I know now, but I am confident that I will always seek the truth for myself.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Water, Shower Curtains, and Teddy Bears
Thanks to little toddler man, AKA my Baby Bear, I have been without a laptop for a long-ass time. I have longed to open up this blog and vent many times. I have done a lot of venting in my head.
It's amazing to me, how far we have journeyed as a family. Every time I am able to read back my first few posts I just get so happy as to how much our knowledge and understanding of the world and our bodies has grown. I am finally at a comfortable place with what's in our home and how we are living. We generally make good decisions in regards to the foods we eat and things we purchase, and no longer even really have to think about it. It's becoming a natural lifestyle and it feels awesome. I can send hubby to the grocery store and not have to fear what he will come home with. We can sit down and watch a movie together without fighting off late-night junk food cravings. We can take a road trip with a cooler full of veggies and health food stores mapped out on our route. We're getting pretty good at this!
Or we...were...?
A few weeks ago we found out that I am pregnant again, and in my crazed hormonal state the Beast has been awakened. Meaning, I am going absolutely crazy ridding our house of toxins and online researching, again. I thought those days were over! Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try to fight it, if I see a piece of plastic in BBs mouth, or something of the non-organic variety in the fridge, or even if I just start wondering in my mind just how toxic furniture piece X is, it's gone. Just like that. I don't hesitate, think of the money we have wasted, or care really. I DON'T NEED IT.
Okay, maybe it's not that bad. After all, we still have our foam-filled couch, I still spin my lettuce clean in a big green plastic lettuce spinner, and I love playing Legos with BB. But don't think I haven't thought about tossing them all. I have. I'm like a crazed serial killer just waiting to kick some sofa butt. But I'm practicing self-control. :)
But seriously, the things that are really driving me nuts right now are our water (both faucet and drinking), our shower curtains, and BBs clothes/blankets/stuffed animals. I have always wanted a filter for our shower/bath heads. I know how many chemicals enter your body while you bathe and shower and it's pretty much all I can think about when I'm bathing/showering/bathing BB. Now that I'm pregnant, I can SMELL the high amount of chlorine in our water and it's driving me crazy. It's like showering in the freakin' neighborhood pool. Yuck. As for our drinking water, this has been an ongoing issue that I just can't seem to make right. In our new house, we will surely be getting an RO Filter, but right now it's not something we can spend the money on. We cancelled our water service because I was GOING to purchase glass bottles and fill them up, but I could never find an appropriate glass bottle for us (they were either gigantic and heavy, or tiny, or not really meant to travel and be filled). So now we buy cheap plastic gallon jugs of spring water that have probably sat in the back of some hot delivery truck for hours or days upon end, collecting bacteria and leaching their plastic-jug chemicals into the water. It's that or fluoride. Ugh.
As for the shower curtains, our inside curtain--which I recently learned CONTINUOUSLY off-gasses (unlike certain other plastics or finishes, which primarily off-gas at the beginning and get better over time) has not only been contaminating us with it's PVC vapors but has also been developing very suspicious little black spots for a few weeks. "It's getting moldy, we need a new curtain", I told my husband. "No it's not", he said, "You just want an excuse to buy a non-toxic one". True and true. So I gave it some time and like all good mold it got just a little bit bigger, and finally I just took the liberty of ripping the damn curtain down and throwing it in the trash. So now, we are left with a cloth curtain meant for the outside that gets VERY wet, and come to find out (hadn't even read the tag until the inside curtain was gone. How's that for irony?!) it's made of crappy synthetic plastic polyester. So--two new shower curtains it is. As soon as hubby gets frustrated enough at the wet curtain attacking him while he showers, and the bathroom floor being soaked when he steps out, it's off to the mall we go :)
Lastly, the issue of BB's clothes/blankets/stuffed animals. I remember reading a LONG time ago that as long as something was washed at least seven times, most of the chemicals in the fabrics were stripped. But recently I was reading up on the toxicity of flame retardants (thank you California for setting ridiculously high flame retardant standards and causing the rest of the states to follow suite. I was highly disappointed when I learned the truth about you) and I am thinking maybe washing just isn't good enough. It's not just the clothes either-- all of those fluffy blankets and cuddly little bears are made entirely out of polyester as well. (And in case you were wondering: "Polyester is the worst fabric you can buy. It is made from synthetic polymers that are made from esters of dihydric alcohol and terpthalic acid"- Read about the top 6 most toxic fabrics here ). As for now, I have not cleaned out any of these things yet; however I do keep his snuggly "fleecy-like" PJs at the bottom of his drawer, and only put him to bed in his tight-fitting, 100% cotton PJs that are free of flame retardants. I try to move his animals out of arms reach when he sleeps so he doesn't put them in his mouth. And when I need a blanket, I reach for the cotton ones first. This will have to do until he needs more clothes, at which point I will be purchasing either used 100% cotton or organic cotton clothing only. The new baby will only know cotton, and as much organic as we can afford.
I know that toxins are everywhere and unavoidable, but the truth is you can try to cleanse your body as often and in the best ways that you can. If that means removing some of the chemicals from your house, that's better than nothing. I know you don't have to strive for an entirely toxic-free home to be safe, and that even if you can accomplish living in a completely toxic-free home (good luck) that it's not going to mean you are healthy. Just by being ALIVE in this world our bodies are already burdened. My thoughts are that if I can at least make my home a safe place, than hopefully when our children do step out into the real (toxic) world their bodies will be more equipped to handle these things than if they were constantly overburdened. The body needs a chance to cleanse and heal itself or else it will simply not be able to rid itself of the overload.
And apparently pregnancy hormones are not in my best interest. Hopefully next time I sit down to write we will still have a couch. Not sure if hubby would forgive me for that one ;)
It's amazing to me, how far we have journeyed as a family. Every time I am able to read back my first few posts I just get so happy as to how much our knowledge and understanding of the world and our bodies has grown. I am finally at a comfortable place with what's in our home and how we are living. We generally make good decisions in regards to the foods we eat and things we purchase, and no longer even really have to think about it. It's becoming a natural lifestyle and it feels awesome. I can send hubby to the grocery store and not have to fear what he will come home with. We can sit down and watch a movie together without fighting off late-night junk food cravings. We can take a road trip with a cooler full of veggies and health food stores mapped out on our route. We're getting pretty good at this!
Or we...were...?
A few weeks ago we found out that I am pregnant again, and in my crazed hormonal state the Beast has been awakened. Meaning, I am going absolutely crazy ridding our house of toxins and online researching, again. I thought those days were over! Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try to fight it, if I see a piece of plastic in BBs mouth, or something of the non-organic variety in the fridge, or even if I just start wondering in my mind just how toxic furniture piece X is, it's gone. Just like that. I don't hesitate, think of the money we have wasted, or care really. I DON'T NEED IT.
Okay, maybe it's not that bad. After all, we still have our foam-filled couch, I still spin my lettuce clean in a big green plastic lettuce spinner, and I love playing Legos with BB. But don't think I haven't thought about tossing them all. I have. I'm like a crazed serial killer just waiting to kick some sofa butt. But I'm practicing self-control. :)
But seriously, the things that are really driving me nuts right now are our water (both faucet and drinking), our shower curtains, and BBs clothes/blankets/stuffed animals. I have always wanted a filter for our shower/bath heads. I know how many chemicals enter your body while you bathe and shower and it's pretty much all I can think about when I'm bathing/showering/bathing BB. Now that I'm pregnant, I can SMELL the high amount of chlorine in our water and it's driving me crazy. It's like showering in the freakin' neighborhood pool. Yuck. As for our drinking water, this has been an ongoing issue that I just can't seem to make right. In our new house, we will surely be getting an RO Filter, but right now it's not something we can spend the money on. We cancelled our water service because I was GOING to purchase glass bottles and fill them up, but I could never find an appropriate glass bottle for us (they were either gigantic and heavy, or tiny, or not really meant to travel and be filled). So now we buy cheap plastic gallon jugs of spring water that have probably sat in the back of some hot delivery truck for hours or days upon end, collecting bacteria and leaching their plastic-jug chemicals into the water. It's that or fluoride. Ugh.
As for the shower curtains, our inside curtain--which I recently learned CONTINUOUSLY off-gasses (unlike certain other plastics or finishes, which primarily off-gas at the beginning and get better over time) has not only been contaminating us with it's PVC vapors but has also been developing very suspicious little black spots for a few weeks. "It's getting moldy, we need a new curtain", I told my husband. "No it's not", he said, "You just want an excuse to buy a non-toxic one". True and true. So I gave it some time and like all good mold it got just a little bit bigger, and finally I just took the liberty of ripping the damn curtain down and throwing it in the trash. So now, we are left with a cloth curtain meant for the outside that gets VERY wet, and come to find out (hadn't even read the tag until the inside curtain was gone. How's that for irony?!) it's made of crappy synthetic plastic polyester. So--two new shower curtains it is. As soon as hubby gets frustrated enough at the wet curtain attacking him while he showers, and the bathroom floor being soaked when he steps out, it's off to the mall we go :)
Lastly, the issue of BB's clothes/blankets/stuffed animals. I remember reading a LONG time ago that as long as something was washed at least seven times, most of the chemicals in the fabrics were stripped. But recently I was reading up on the toxicity of flame retardants (thank you California for setting ridiculously high flame retardant standards and causing the rest of the states to follow suite. I was highly disappointed when I learned the truth about you) and I am thinking maybe washing just isn't good enough. It's not just the clothes either-- all of those fluffy blankets and cuddly little bears are made entirely out of polyester as well. (And in case you were wondering: "Polyester is the worst fabric you can buy. It is made from synthetic polymers that are made from esters of dihydric alcohol and terpthalic acid"- Read about the top 6 most toxic fabrics here ). As for now, I have not cleaned out any of these things yet; however I do keep his snuggly "fleecy-like" PJs at the bottom of his drawer, and only put him to bed in his tight-fitting, 100% cotton PJs that are free of flame retardants. I try to move his animals out of arms reach when he sleeps so he doesn't put them in his mouth. And when I need a blanket, I reach for the cotton ones first. This will have to do until he needs more clothes, at which point I will be purchasing either used 100% cotton or organic cotton clothing only. The new baby will only know cotton, and as much organic as we can afford.
I know that toxins are everywhere and unavoidable, but the truth is you can try to cleanse your body as often and in the best ways that you can. If that means removing some of the chemicals from your house, that's better than nothing. I know you don't have to strive for an entirely toxic-free home to be safe, and that even if you can accomplish living in a completely toxic-free home (good luck) that it's not going to mean you are healthy. Just by being ALIVE in this world our bodies are already burdened. My thoughts are that if I can at least make my home a safe place, than hopefully when our children do step out into the real (toxic) world their bodies will be more equipped to handle these things than if they were constantly overburdened. The body needs a chance to cleanse and heal itself or else it will simply not be able to rid itself of the overload.
And apparently pregnancy hormones are not in my best interest. Hopefully next time I sit down to write we will still have a couch. Not sure if hubby would forgive me for that one ;)
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Dreaming
I should be literally dreaming, since I am sick (again) and sleep-deprived (as usual). Instead I am awake, perusing the Internet for good parenting blogs and cool birth stories. Sigh.
As I read the blogs of others who seem so comfortable in their roles as unschoolers, non-vaxers, home-birthers, free-thinkers, and more, it really makes me long for another world. I don't know why I feel so stuck--but that's really the only way I can put it. I want to parent in this certain way and I constantly feel as though I am failing. The transition from traditional to very non-traditional is complicated and definitely not easy. Especially when you have basically no one and nothing guiding you except that wrenching feeling in your gut that tells you this is the right way. (And how accountable is that feeling, anyhow? I think that is the same one that led me half-way through Seminary?...). But anyways.
I long for a place of peace and quiet (yes, me-- the same woman who longed for a busy mall and a Target with a starbucks less than two years ago. Yup, me!), where BB and I can sit and look at the sky or watch the birds and I can listen to that tiny little toddler voice proclaiming the beauty and wonder of it all. A place where I can feed my family food fresh from the ground... where I can shop without having a heart-attack or the extra burden of spending an additional 2.5 hours reading labels. A place where I can choose to not inject my child with poisonous toxins such as formaldehyde, aluminum, aborted fetal tissue and cloned/GMO-sheep/duck/calf whatever and not be condemned by society for it. I want to be around people whose first question when they hear me cough isn't- "are you going to take something for that?". I want to be able to walk next door and share tea with someone who gets me, in a place where our kids can play together without pressure or conformity or fear of playing in the neighborhood past dark. I want my house to be a place of discovery for BB- a place where he is free to grow and make decisions and just be. A house where he is an equal, a person, a partner in our family. Where the words "control" and "discipline" and "manipulation" don't exist and aren't heard, ever. Where the color of our sofa is far less important than the memory BB made using it as a fort, and where the crayon markings on the wall become a new masterpiece rather than a hidden mistake.
I want a playroom that's a playroom- not a BOYS playroom, or a GIRLS playroom, but a freakin' room filled with toys that excite and ignite a passion for play and learning. It will be blue and pink and every stinkin color in between...because...they're COLORS, for god's sake.
I want to truly let go (and see hubby let go) of all the traditional things we once thought were "important". I want to get out of this in-between place of uncertainty and just be comfortable with what I truly believe. I don't want to manipulatively give BB decisions so that everything works out the way I want it to- I want to give him real decisions and be comfortable with the outcome because I know that is what he chose, and somehow he is learning something from it. I don't want to get frustrated when things don't go my way, people don't act the way I expect them to, or when the house isn't as clean as I for some reason feel it NEEDS to be. I don't want to "unschool" with a desk and an outline and an asinine amount of expectations. It doesn't make sense! It is all stuck. None of it makes sense.
As I read the blogs of others who seem so comfortable in their roles as unschoolers, non-vaxers, home-birthers, free-thinkers, and more, it really makes me long for another world. I don't know why I feel so stuck--but that's really the only way I can put it. I want to parent in this certain way and I constantly feel as though I am failing. The transition from traditional to very non-traditional is complicated and definitely not easy. Especially when you have basically no one and nothing guiding you except that wrenching feeling in your gut that tells you this is the right way. (And how accountable is that feeling, anyhow? I think that is the same one that led me half-way through Seminary?...). But anyways.
I long for a place of peace and quiet (yes, me-- the same woman who longed for a busy mall and a Target with a starbucks less than two years ago. Yup, me!), where BB and I can sit and look at the sky or watch the birds and I can listen to that tiny little toddler voice proclaiming the beauty and wonder of it all. A place where I can feed my family food fresh from the ground... where I can shop without having a heart-attack or the extra burden of spending an additional 2.5 hours reading labels. A place where I can choose to not inject my child with poisonous toxins such as formaldehyde, aluminum, aborted fetal tissue and cloned/GMO-sheep/duck/calf whatever and not be condemned by society for it. I want to be around people whose first question when they hear me cough isn't- "are you going to take something for that?". I want to be able to walk next door and share tea with someone who gets me, in a place where our kids can play together without pressure or conformity or fear of playing in the neighborhood past dark. I want my house to be a place of discovery for BB- a place where he is free to grow and make decisions and just be. A house where he is an equal, a person, a partner in our family. Where the words "control" and "discipline" and "manipulation" don't exist and aren't heard, ever. Where the color of our sofa is far less important than the memory BB made using it as a fort, and where the crayon markings on the wall become a new masterpiece rather than a hidden mistake.
I want a playroom that's a playroom- not a BOYS playroom, or a GIRLS playroom, but a freakin' room filled with toys that excite and ignite a passion for play and learning. It will be blue and pink and every stinkin color in between...because...they're COLORS, for god's sake.
I want to truly let go (and see hubby let go) of all the traditional things we once thought were "important". I want to get out of this in-between place of uncertainty and just be comfortable with what I truly believe. I don't want to manipulatively give BB decisions so that everything works out the way I want it to- I want to give him real decisions and be comfortable with the outcome because I know that is what he chose, and somehow he is learning something from it. I don't want to get frustrated when things don't go my way, people don't act the way I expect them to, or when the house isn't as clean as I for some reason feel it NEEDS to be. I don't want to "unschool" with a desk and an outline and an asinine amount of expectations. It doesn't make sense! It is all stuck. None of it makes sense.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
A Toxic Diet
I couldn't figure out through all of this why Baby Bear continued to have ear infection after ear infection (8, in fact, before his 1st birthday). At this point in our journey, I had neither learned enough nor gained enough confidence to believe that becoming toxic-free could also expand to limiting myself to the amount of toxic "advice" I received from people in positions of authority such as doctors and nurses. I took everything they told me as the truth and obeyed their every command...try this antibiotic, and this one; let's put tubes in his ears... Needless to say my poor baby to this day has been on 9 full rounds of antibiotics (yes, NINE), and had tubes put in his ears right around his 1st birthday. When he continued having ear infections immediately after the tubes were put in, we were beyond worried & incredibly frustrated. Why?? The doctor told us that it was normal. NORMAL? Constant ear pain, reoccurring infections, a destroyed immune system courtesy of the drugs that were supposed to make it all better...you are telling me that this is normal? Something wasn't adding up.
During this time, BB of course began eating a little more solid food as well. The first sign of a food allergy was the time we went out to breakfast at this (god-awful) diner that served nothing but (cheap) eggs, grease-laden home fries, high-fructose corn syrup toast and every slab of meat you could imagine (Why didn't you just leave, you may ask. Many reasons. Long story). So for breakfast, we fed BB the little bit of fruit I had stashed in the diaper bag and a few tiny bites of eggs. Almost immediately after trying the (seriously TINY!) little bit of eggs, his face and hands broke out in hives.
A few months later, our 4-year old foster daughter was eating her typical PB&J sandwich for lunch (something we don't eat; however, one battle we didn't feel like fighting during this placement) when BB began demanding a sandwich of his own. I attempted to slip him almond butter but darn that smart little toddler, he knew exactly which jar was the PB and incessantly whined until I gave in. After two or three bites of his sandwich, he began to gag and cough. At first I didn't think anything of it...he still wasn't eating much solid food and I figured the consistency was a little tough for him to swallow. He continued coughing like that while I gave him water and soothed him, and a few minutes later he seemed fine. That's when I noticed his entire chin/mouth region was swollen, along with the hand he had been eating his sandwich with. Talk about scary!
Through all of this, from day one of Ear Infection #1, right up to the point where he was showing signs of serious food allergies, not once in my little brain did I ever link all of these things together (nor did I come across it in any of my readings, and I consider myself to be a pretty good investigator!). And do you think one of those fancy doctors or nurses ever hinted or asked about his diet either? Yeah, I think you know the answer to that.
Until, that is, I brought him into the allergist to be tested. It was then the doctor basically told me flat-out: His ear infections have more than likely been linked to his or your diet. This is very common, especially in Western culture. What??? What happened to the "every kid gets ear infections" speech, or the "here's another round of antibiotics and he'll be fine" theory?? You mean to tell me I have been dumping numerous chemicals into my son's body, sitting through exhausting nights of tears (tears..and more tears..) and misery, dealing with (what we genuinely believe to be) the effects of having put our son under anesthesia (nightmares, difficulty sleeping, severe separation anxiety), and bringing him to doctor after doctor and to this specialist and that one--only to find out that it could have all been prevented through a better diet and more information? WTF? (Oh, and notice the "Western culture" comment? Why...whatever are you talking about, Doctor? Years of eating GMO foods? All of the chemicals we dump into our crops? Or could it be the HFCS in 99% of our products, or the fast food, or... yeah).
So needless to say, I have been a little bolder in my quest to rid us of a toxic diet, along with everything else. My husband has been gearing up for it, although a little more reluctantly than with the previous quests. (I am guessing it has something to do with the fact that I have become a total nut-job since the ear infection/food allergy discovery, or maybe because I am spending most of our family's money in the organic produce department?). Regardless, the ship is sailing and I am taking us all even deeper into the seas that are a healthier family diet :) As my knowledge and understanding of food broadens and grows daily, I only hope that the effects of a toxic diet that are seen in all of us--especially in my precious little Bear--diminish with time.
During this time, BB of course began eating a little more solid food as well. The first sign of a food allergy was the time we went out to breakfast at this (god-awful) diner that served nothing but (cheap) eggs, grease-laden home fries, high-fructose corn syrup toast and every slab of meat you could imagine (Why didn't you just leave, you may ask. Many reasons. Long story). So for breakfast, we fed BB the little bit of fruit I had stashed in the diaper bag and a few tiny bites of eggs. Almost immediately after trying the (seriously TINY!) little bit of eggs, his face and hands broke out in hives.
A few months later, our 4-year old foster daughter was eating her typical PB&J sandwich for lunch (something we don't eat; however, one battle we didn't feel like fighting during this placement) when BB began demanding a sandwich of his own. I attempted to slip him almond butter but darn that smart little toddler, he knew exactly which jar was the PB and incessantly whined until I gave in. After two or three bites of his sandwich, he began to gag and cough. At first I didn't think anything of it...he still wasn't eating much solid food and I figured the consistency was a little tough for him to swallow. He continued coughing like that while I gave him water and soothed him, and a few minutes later he seemed fine. That's when I noticed his entire chin/mouth region was swollen, along with the hand he had been eating his sandwich with. Talk about scary!
Through all of this, from day one of Ear Infection #1, right up to the point where he was showing signs of serious food allergies, not once in my little brain did I ever link all of these things together (nor did I come across it in any of my readings, and I consider myself to be a pretty good investigator!). And do you think one of those fancy doctors or nurses ever hinted or asked about his diet either? Yeah, I think you know the answer to that.
Until, that is, I brought him into the allergist to be tested. It was then the doctor basically told me flat-out: His ear infections have more than likely been linked to his or your diet. This is very common, especially in Western culture. What??? What happened to the "every kid gets ear infections" speech, or the "here's another round of antibiotics and he'll be fine" theory?? You mean to tell me I have been dumping numerous chemicals into my son's body, sitting through exhausting nights of tears (tears..and more tears..) and misery, dealing with (what we genuinely believe to be) the effects of having put our son under anesthesia (nightmares, difficulty sleeping, severe separation anxiety), and bringing him to doctor after doctor and to this specialist and that one--only to find out that it could have all been prevented through a better diet and more information? WTF? (Oh, and notice the "Western culture" comment? Why...whatever are you talking about, Doctor? Years of eating GMO foods? All of the chemicals we dump into our crops? Or could it be the HFCS in 99% of our products, or the fast food, or... yeah).
So needless to say, I have been a little bolder in my quest to rid us of a toxic diet, along with everything else. My husband has been gearing up for it, although a little more reluctantly than with the previous quests. (I am guessing it has something to do with the fact that I have become a total nut-job since the ear infection/food allergy discovery, or maybe because I am spending most of our family's money in the organic produce department?). Regardless, the ship is sailing and I am taking us all even deeper into the seas that are a healthier family diet :) As my knowledge and understanding of food broadens and grows daily, I only hope that the effects of a toxic diet that are seen in all of us--especially in my precious little Bear--diminish with time.
Moving Forward: A Year of Change
The year following our first six months was a little less crazy, since now we knew where we were heading and why. It was just a matter of slowly ridding our home of the old stuff as we could, and replacing it with non- (or less) toxic items.
I wish I had known about Pinterest at this time. Since I only recently discovered the pure joy of being able to contain all of my billions of interesting Internet pages in one place, there were many great reads that I unfortunately cannot seem to dig up anymore (or I've simply forgotten where I found them in the first place). Some helpful Internet searches would be to just google "how toxic is ___" and see what you can sift through. I think I literally spent thousands of hours during this year reading and researching (yay for nursing; I could do this all without the least amount of guilt! LOL). The desire to know more about what things I was subjecting my child to (in the air, in his body, etc) grew stronger by the day. Once I mastered one thing I wanted to learn more about the next. I literally began breaking down the materials in every thing and checking for myself to find out exactly what they were made of, where they came from, and if they posed a health hazard in any way. I mentioned this site in my first blog but the greatest site I have found for researching things has definitely been the Environmental Working Group's page, found at www.ewg.org. Not only do they have a TON of factual info, but in their Cosmetics Database you can search for any ingredient or product and find out just what it is, what health hazards it poses, whether it's been tested in rats, etc. (Go to "Health/Toxins" on the left side, then scroll down to "Cosmetics Database").
At this point in time we had a cleaner kitchen, a water service (more recently I've become really disgusted with the fact that it is all stored in plastic water jugs. At the time; however, it was more important for us to be drinking water that wasn't laced with fluoride and other seriously harmful toxins), and we had massively transformed our diet by cutting our almost all meat, dairy, and junk food. It was a long year to make that happen (we are still working on it!), but we made some seriously delicious meals and replaced our night-time cookies with things like home-made guacamole, smoothies, home-made snack bars made of nuts/honey/dates, and the occasional sugar-free baked good made with healthier flours, bananas in place of the oils and ground nuts in place of the butters. We had already been buying organic foods in the past, but after I began learning more and more about the harmful effects of pesticides, GMOS, etc, I began stricly buying organic when and where I could.
During this year, my husband and I were finally able to switch to more natural beauty products as well and really enjoyed it. For him, it was an easy transition to simply buying different brands (he continues to use a few regular products, but switched his shampoo/cond, body soap, and even his deodorant!). For me, it was a long process of trying things that did (and mostly didn't) work for my hair and skin. I tried the "No-Poo" method (you basically do not wash your hair, and once you get over the 'transition period' it supposedly works wonders), I tried making my shampoo & conditioner using various online recipes and ingredients such as apple cider vinegar, baking soda, honey, etc, and I tried multiple brands of all-natural/eco-friendly bottled shampoos and conditioners. Finally I settled on the Whole Foods brand, which contains very few ingredients and is biodegradable. I found that (aside from the price being a whole lot lower) it soaped better and felt more like typical shampoo in my hair than the other brands. As for my skin, I found a great lotion recipe which I love and continue to use. It takes only a few minutes and a few simple ingredients to make a good size batch:
There are probably more little things we transitioned to over that next year but it is hard to remember everything now. I think the biggest thing we discovered was a new sense of awareness that totally altered our lives. The way we acted, the things we purchased, and even the way we viewed certain activities or items drastically changed (for the better!). Every day we are thankful for our "awakening", thankful for at least the awareness of all of the toxic stuff which surrounds us, and grateful we are able to give BB the best we possibly can. Sometimes it seems so discouraging in a world filled with so much bad stuff...but we tell ourselves that every little bit counts. And hopefully in the long run, in terms of his health and happiness, it does.
I wish I had known about Pinterest at this time. Since I only recently discovered the pure joy of being able to contain all of my billions of interesting Internet pages in one place, there were many great reads that I unfortunately cannot seem to dig up anymore (or I've simply forgotten where I found them in the first place). Some helpful Internet searches would be to just google "how toxic is ___" and see what you can sift through. I think I literally spent thousands of hours during this year reading and researching (yay for nursing; I could do this all without the least amount of guilt! LOL). The desire to know more about what things I was subjecting my child to (in the air, in his body, etc) grew stronger by the day. Once I mastered one thing I wanted to learn more about the next. I literally began breaking down the materials in every thing and checking for myself to find out exactly what they were made of, where they came from, and if they posed a health hazard in any way. I mentioned this site in my first blog but the greatest site I have found for researching things has definitely been the Environmental Working Group's page, found at www.ewg.org. Not only do they have a TON of factual info, but in their Cosmetics Database you can search for any ingredient or product and find out just what it is, what health hazards it poses, whether it's been tested in rats, etc. (Go to "Health/Toxins" on the left side, then scroll down to "Cosmetics Database").
At this point in time we had a cleaner kitchen, a water service (more recently I've become really disgusted with the fact that it is all stored in plastic water jugs. At the time; however, it was more important for us to be drinking water that wasn't laced with fluoride and other seriously harmful toxins), and we had massively transformed our diet by cutting our almost all meat, dairy, and junk food. It was a long year to make that happen (we are still working on it!), but we made some seriously delicious meals and replaced our night-time cookies with things like home-made guacamole, smoothies, home-made snack bars made of nuts/honey/dates, and the occasional sugar-free baked good made with healthier flours, bananas in place of the oils and ground nuts in place of the butters. We had already been buying organic foods in the past, but after I began learning more and more about the harmful effects of pesticides, GMOS, etc, I began stricly buying organic when and where I could.
During this year, my husband and I were finally able to switch to more natural beauty products as well and really enjoyed it. For him, it was an easy transition to simply buying different brands (he continues to use a few regular products, but switched his shampoo/cond, body soap, and even his deodorant!). For me, it was a long process of trying things that did (and mostly didn't) work for my hair and skin. I tried the "No-Poo" method (you basically do not wash your hair, and once you get over the 'transition period' it supposedly works wonders), I tried making my shampoo & conditioner using various online recipes and ingredients such as apple cider vinegar, baking soda, honey, etc, and I tried multiple brands of all-natural/eco-friendly bottled shampoos and conditioners. Finally I settled on the Whole Foods brand, which contains very few ingredients and is biodegradable. I found that (aside from the price being a whole lot lower) it soaped better and felt more like typical shampoo in my hair than the other brands. As for my skin, I found a great lotion recipe which I love and continue to use. It takes only a few minutes and a few simple ingredients to make a good size batch:
- Pour 3/4 Cup pure oil (I used coconut oil) into a glass measuring cup. Add 2 TBS plain shaved beeswax.
- Place measuring cup into a saucepan of water and still on m heat until the wax melts. Let cool for 1-2 mins but don't harden!
- Slowly add 1 Cup of distilled water to the wax mix (it will thicken).
- Add up to 30 drops of essential oils (NOT "Fragrance Oils"- these are synthetic!) and blend.
- Store in a glass jar for up to 6 months.
There are probably more little things we transitioned to over that next year but it is hard to remember everything now. I think the biggest thing we discovered was a new sense of awareness that totally altered our lives. The way we acted, the things we purchased, and even the way we viewed certain activities or items drastically changed (for the better!). Every day we are thankful for our "awakening", thankful for at least the awareness of all of the toxic stuff which surrounds us, and grateful we are able to give BB the best we possibly can. Sometimes it seems so discouraging in a world filled with so much bad stuff...but we tell ourselves that every little bit counts. And hopefully in the long run, in terms of his health and happiness, it does.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)